Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
