I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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