This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
