I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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