I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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