I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
this just has baby written all over it
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
