Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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