I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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