WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
