All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
