I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
