Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
