My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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