just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
