I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
