You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I will be naked everywhere
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
