I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
