She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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