I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
