My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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