I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
