i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
