I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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