"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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