Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
