i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
