I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
