I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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