Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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