so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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