if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
