the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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