No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
