You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
