am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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