look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
