And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
