do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
