I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
