So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
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