you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
