i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
