I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
