I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
cat food counts as protein by the way
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
