we have officially lost it.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
