I'm lost and stupid without you.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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