Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
