U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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