Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
