38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
