ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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