ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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